No matter how big the catastrophe, there are always some creatures who benefit. So inherent is conflict in human nature. The happiest people in this Lock down must be the building secretary uncles who are getting to channel the little Modi inside them. This is their time to shine and they are not letting us down.
The Building Secretary and his ‘committee’ are an urban Khap Panchayat who will tell you where to park your car, how long your dog can bark, how many friends you can have over at your flat and how much water your AC is allowed to drip. On the building WhatsApp group they will start the day with a complaint that is as offensive to your personal space as it it is to the English language and end the day with a motivational forward. They will address you by your flat number and insist you address them with a Ji even on WhatsApp and mute everyone if it doesn’t work. Dictatorships start from the ground up, not the other way around.
From not letting kids play cricket to now playing savior for the whole complex, uncles have never understood the concept of consent. And now they have a supreme leader who tells them with his every move that they are right. That power should simply be assumed and that accountability is for losers. That once you become a signing authority, only majority counts and on a bad day you can even throw that out of the window. That property ownership is of prime importance. Tenants and workers are barely human. His henchmen have broken down the last bastions of decency on prime time television. Yelling religious and racial slurs that wouldn’t even be uttered in hushed tones among the best of friends. This is the age of emancipation for all bigotry. There has probably been no better time to be an uncle in this country.
This is perhaps the first time a Supreme Leader is neither highly educated nor from a Royal Family. In fact, he comes from the humblest of beginnings. He has even shunned married life in favor of work, something most uncles have also done, albeit out of ineptitude rather than sacrifice. When they curse migrant laborers and call for genocides of entire communities, they are not coming from a place of reasoning or even personal opinion. It is just that they identify so closely with their leader that anything that is not aligned with the leader’s grip on power is felt as a personal attack. As an indictment of the little Modi who lives inside all uncles. And that is the difference between a demagogue and a true hero. A Demagogue assures you that you are the best and all your flaws are actually virtues, a hero makes you want to be a better person.
Which is why role models are so important. We have had a precious few and even those are being buried under the spam of the 4G age. Bollywood and Cricket stars are all that we are given and all they can do is sell us chips and soft-drinks. The day they feel compelled to say something of value they are reminded of their mortality.
The Indian uncle is a very peculiar species, a neurotic mix of privilege and repression that can be best summed up as nuisance value. From khaki shorts to government jobs they learn to fall in line from the beginning. The only people they can boss over are the wife and kids. And even they are not there by choice. He can beat them into submission but he can’t wipe the resentment out of their eyes. Building affairs then remain the only playing field for him to feel truly important.
The co-operative housing societies act is perhaps the smallest unit of our as yet democratic society. And it is messy. It is convoluted. But it ensures some sense of order prevails and the police doesn’t have to be called for a petty fight over who put the trash where. The fact that we don’t have widespread gun ownership in this country also helps. But young people don’t have time for this. The Uber generation can’t read a document more than a page long. And uncles have been doing it their entire life. It is their Karmabhoomi. For the first time, they feel some real responsibility, even if it only means ensuring everyone bangs some utensils at 5 PM. Somewhat educated people are often more dangerous than the illiterate because they are very easily convinced of their superiority.
This is a battle of generations and simply staring at the Building WhatsApp group on your phone will not help. You are no match for Mr. Bhatawdekar, B.Com, B.Ed. His antics and downright misbehavior may be a minor irritation in your millennial existence but for him, it is the fight of his life. This is all he has, his identity, his personality, his Shawshank Redemption. He may not know what a virus actually is but he will make sure people in the society die of everything other than Corona. He knows the co-operative housing society act like the back of his hand and you only have a vague sense of liberty that you feel he is trampling upon. You will have to do your homework and dig in your heels for a long fight. The only other option is waiting for him to forward a porn clip to the building group by mistake. And you know he can get away with that too. They always do. Privilege and repression is the most dangerous combination in the world.
– Punit Pania
